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Úton

 Kedves Olvasóm!

Tisztelt Látogató!

 

Egy álmatlan éjszakát követően, miközben fiúnkat útnak engedtem a Balcsira, eldöntöttem, hogy valamiféle kronológiai sorrendet tartva, teszem fel alkotásaimat.
Rögvest elkövetve azt a merészséget, hogy kis- és nagykamaszkorom, ifjúkorom verseivel kezdem.

Ezek a versek 1972/73, és 1981/82 között keletkeztek. (Sajnos nem dátumoztam, nem dátumozom írásaimat.)

Nevetséges, hogy egy teljes, és lezártnak tekinthető, abszolút alkotói ívet bemutató, soha közlésre nem kerülő kötettervezetnek története van, története lehet. Ne feledjük, ne feledjétek: Magyarországon keletkeztek.

Mint oly sok elődömet, magamat is egy végtelenül tiszta, igazi diákszerelem inspirált első zsengéimre. Sajnos, és ez utólag beigazolódni látszik, jóval több volt ezekben a zsengékben, mintsem ellehetett volna intézni egy konvencionális reakcióval. Nem maradt más választásom, nem átallottam beküldeni az akkori irodalmi lapok szerkesztőségeibe. (ÉS, Alföld, Új írás, stb…) Elküldtem néhány jeles alkotóhoz is: Tolnay, Utassy, Baranyi. Váci Mihály már nem élt, Nagy László közben halt meg. Bárhová küldtem is el csokorba gyűjtve a verseket, majd később a teljes kötettervezetet a biztatáson túl nem sok mindennel találkoztam. „Maga csak írjon! Írjon! Írjon!” Miután a biztatásokban éreztem valamiféle őszinteséget, így aztán nem átallottam „csak írni”. Addig – addig írtam, mígnem azt vettem észre magamon, hogy egy valódi irokéz indiánná váltam. Uff!

Ezeket a verseket több ízben elégettem, széttéptem: tucatszor törtem az életükre. Feleségem mentette ki őket, és egy cipős dobozban őrizgette számomra. Hol kézírásban, hol az apám írógépén titkon gépelt példányban maradtak fenn. A rendszerváltó évek után kerültek elibém ismételten, illetve egy részüket, Siska Gyuszi, azóta festőművésszé vált barátom illusztrációival, diákkori szerelmem őrzi, ha őrzi.

A második találkozásunk során valami por kerülhetett a gépezetbe, mert tízévnyi hallgatás, némaság után, a rendszerváltó évek friss légvételi lehetőségében ismételten írásra ösztönöztek. Örömmel tapasztalom, amit kritikusok, irodalomtörténészek akár joggal a szememre vethetnének:- semmit sem változtam.
Az „Úton” címet viselő kötettervezetemben mindent megírtam, amit megírni érdemes. Tizennégy – tizenöt éves koromtól huszonkét éves koromig mindent megéltem, amit egy embernek élete során meg kell, meg szükséges, vagy ildomos megélnie.

Fogadjátok akkora szeretettel, amekkorát hitetek, és tapasztalatotok szerint megérdemel!

 

 

img021.jpg

 

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Múltam semmi,
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